No one wants to think about writing their parent’s eulogy. Writing this eulogy forces us to face our parent’s death, to look it in the face and name it. You must acknowledge that your mom or dad had a finite end. But did you know that when you write your parent’s eulogy you can also learn something about yourself? There is pain and also a gift in this process. If you are experiencing the new, raw grief of parent loss, you probably do not care one bit about what you may learn about yourself, but I promise there is value in it, a gift for Future You, when you are ready to open it.

You must write that story and show who they were, what they loved, and all that they meant to so many people during their time on this planet. Not only must you compile all of this information, ensuring you leave out none of the important bits, but you also must skillfully weave this into not just the written word, but also into a speech that you will deliver with your voice–your voice that may quiver as you read it in front of others, from a place of vulnerability, fighting back tears or perhaps letting them fall.

I procrastinated hard when it came time to write my mom’s eulogy. I felt so much pressure to be perfect, to succinctly yet thoroughly illustrate her life as a loving and complex human being. It felt epic and too big to handle.

I wanted my words to have an impact on those who heard them, an impact as profound as the one she had had on my life. No five minute speech could live up to that, but still, I wanted it.

(For specific tips and help with the eulogy writing process, be sure to check out this post!)

I gripped the sides of the podium to hold myself together as I spoke the words, willing the people listening from their seats to feel the depth of my loss. I wanted my words to grab them by their shoulders, shake them, and shout in their faces. My mother is gone. Can you see that? The bright light that was in the world?? It is GONE. We are in darkness now.

My mother was a bright light in a dark world. I struggled in so many ways growing up and as a young adult, and even now has a more middle-aged adult, if I am being honest, as I am finally seeing and unpacking childhood trauma and all the life decisions it influenced.

Even if she didn’t have the answers I needed, my mom remained a safe place to which I could return. I knew if I called her she would listen. She would love me. No matter what. She was my touchstone. She was the tether that kept me from spiraling out into becoming a mad, wild thing. She was the anchor that held me in place as part of a family, without which I would have been spinning alone in the universe.

With a deep loss like our parent’s death comes of profound sense of suddenly being able to recognize what is important in life. In grief you may want so much to go back in time to say just one last thing or to undo certain actions, or even for just a little more time with your person.

You are forced to look back when you write your parent’s eulogy. This act of looking back in grief can teach you that now more than ever it is important to look forward. To assess how you have been living and where you have been devoting your time and energy.

If you were to write your own eulogy today, what would you say? Because guess what? You have a finite end. Someday. All things end.

When your adult child or your brother or sister or friend is up there in front of the crowd, gripping the sides of the podium, taking a deep breath before they tell the story of your one, brilliant life…what do you want them to say?

Because now is your chance. Even though you still may be grieving hard, this is your gentle reminder to look up and look forward.

Right now you are creating the life that someone else will remember one day. You can be the touchstone.

Right now we have the advantage of time. We are alive now. We get to choose what to do with the life we have left. You can be the anchor.

Would the pieces of your life right now create a eulogy that you are proud of?

Where are you channeling your energy?

What are you giving to your relationships? You can listen and love. You can say just one more thing or give one more hug.

Are you doing your best work?

How do you spend your time?

Are you procrastinating?

What are you waiting for?

Take just one small step today toward something worthy enough to be mentioned in your eulogy.

Make yours a good life. This is your chance.

You can be the bright light.